i got it!

So I didn’t actually think that self-respect was too hard to have. It shouldn’t be that difficult and I actually believed that I had a lot of it.

I think I did…

…but maybe just not as much as I feel like I have now.

It seems crazy and ridiculous (typical me) to suggest that my leg hair has made a difference. And I’m gonna call myself out:

It hasn’t been the leading cause.

But it has made a little difference to what self-respect I already had forming.

Now when I say self-respect, I’m not talking about:

• Eating well
• Exercising
• Looking good
• Or just, generally, treating your body well.

(Although I try to do these things anyway).

I’m talking about beliefs. Having respect for what you believe in.

I know myself as having very low willpower. I don’t particularly rate my ability to keep to challenges I set myself – usually because my reasons for doing them can be erratic, poorly thought through and seemingly unachievable. Lord knows the amount of times I’ve had to:

go vegan. But for real this time!!!

And that’s not even an unachievable goal – as I’m learning now by making better choices and believing that the reasons for change are more important than my tastebuds.

The key thing that’s changing for me now, in terms of self-respect, is that I’m believing in my beliefs and I’m not afraid to admit to them. I want to create accountability for myself.

If I go back to the growing-out-my-hair situation for a moment, I’ve felt an overwhelming surge of confidence. I feel proud to be different and I feel truly confident in the reasons why. I can justify why I’m doing it. I can justify why others don’t agree.

But I won’t change because of it.

I’m learning (in this regard and others), that I live with and amongst others, not for them. This isn’t a bad thing and I don’t regard it as selfish. Everyone ought to be solid in their beliefs but also open to challenges. That doesn’t mean we have to accept every one of them but that we listen.

I’m a people pleaser. Nothing wrong with that. But when I realised that I wanted to be my own person and still have the respect of others and that that was POSSIBLE (!!) I was able to stick to my convictions even more.

It’s been a long process. Very long.

But I’m learning to articulate how I feel and take the feedback. Slowly I’m trying to push away the negativity that says

People will judge you for this.

It’s taken time but I suppose self respect isn’t a simple process. It’s ever changing as are we.

Like in life I still have a long way to go and, of course, I’m not seeking some ultimate self-respect Narnia. But I like what I’ve got and I’m confident. And I hope that doesn’t go away!