something is happening…

So I didn’t really know what 30 days without shaving would bring but I was hoping for some kind of angst-y energy that screamed:

F*** THE PATRIACHY!

Instead what has happened is something a lot more mild, gentle and kind. And it’s towards the women.

I’ve now been shaver-free (yes, my obsession with hair grooming is an addiction), for 9 days.

Each day is getting easier to forget about how long the hairs under my arms and on my legs is.

But it’s still a challenge to look at my armpits and think;

Oh hey guys! You belong here!

I mean no one says this to their armpit hair anyway but still…

In a strange turn of events, I’ve come to not mind the hair on my legs. They’re blooming (already) and that actually feels a lot better than the prickly “day 2 stubble”. It feels less aggressive. More wild – in a way that animals are, not cavepeople.

So whilst all this has been going on, my brain waves have shifted. I looked in the mirror this morning and felt happy.

I’m learning to redefine myself.

Now of course my hair isn’t the characteristic by which I have gained my self-identity. But my style is.

Being hair-free is some way of (though I don’t want to admit it) ATTAINING PERFECTION. Stupidly but genuinely, it causes me stress to think that I might go away for the weekend and forget to pack my razor. Or get changed in front of my friends and not have a slick bikini line. In the summer, forgetting to shave can be an issue. And spontaneous trips to the beach, don’t even get me started.

I’m realising that I have more of a problem with my hair than I have ever admitted. But now in the absence of feeling like I have to be perfect, I’m looking internally to my worth and at the same time, seeing that on the outside I am beautiful regardless of the hair that grows naturally on me.

What appears on the outside is a reflection of my views and my values.

I always say that passion in a person is the best quality. I also always maintain that I want to wear my views and beliefs on my sleeve. This year has been a lot about making that happen.

And now, weirdly, I feel proud because I’m starting to see that I can be who I want with the beliefs that I have and not offend the world. Or if I do, not to change myself because everyone else thinks differently.