Now for the first time in my life I don’t believe that this post on yoga comes from my inner (wannabe) hipster.
Before I thought that’s what it was all about: being indie, caring about chakras and having thick, flowing blonde hair, a beautifully patterned sports bra and a heavenly-toned body to match.
My reason for taken up yoga now has come more from necessity than aesthetic needs. I’ve never been good at taking Instagram photos and now whilst my feed is getting more full of yogic vibes, it doesn’t look amazing.
And I don’t care. That’s not what yoga means to me now.
Why yoga?
There was a kind of cosmic shift that happened in my body as 2018 rolled in. It came from a place a numbness – a place where I was feeling very little and decided that whatever funk and anxiety I WAS feeling was partly in my control. Whilst I had enjoyed riding the wave of emotion which I usually advocate, not knowing why I felt what I felt meant that I couldn’t properly connect with my feelings.
Initially I didn’t see yoga as the medicine to this problem but I was desperate.
I went on a run and listened to YogaGirl and her tips for doing yoga every day. Since I was looking for a New Year’s challenge that wasn’t pointless and impossible for the sake of it, in that moment I decided to take up 30 days of yoga.
18 days in, it is clear that yoga cannot leave my life now.
How my practice has now changed.
One thing I was particularly cautious about when starting my yoga practice was the conflicting messages and – what I thought were – the rules of the flow. I’d dabbled in some summer back garden yoga in my 2nd year of uni and I got really into the spiritual side of it.
What happened is that that side of the practice was not really connected to who I was at the core. However, oblivious to that fact, I continued to find out about chakras and forced myself to believe that the only issue I had was a misalignment of my third eye. I tried to imagine my soul escaping from the holes in my body but this lack of knowledge as to what all this was really about made me start with a bad foundation.
Inevitably, I stopped yoga.
My decision to return was not only informed by a podcast but also because I was running more. I wanted to stretch. And, more than that, through my periods of feeling numb in my chest, I wanted to feel something.
I would start breathing deep to feel my lungs and expand my chest and soon I realised how good and calming that felt.
As I started my 30 day yoga challenge, I married my need to stretch with my need to calm down and deep breathed my way through the practice.
This is what my yoga is now for.
It’s a sacred space (And yes, finally, I feel like I understand what those yogis have been talking about!!!) Not sacred because of any spiritual or religious connection I get on the mat, but because yoga is a treat for my body. It’s a release – and this is why it’s become essential.
In these 18 days, I feel like I’ve never had so much air in my lungs.
Whilst I still struggle with my feelings a bit, yoga gives me a place to reflect. I can calm it down, reconnect with myself and, one of the most important things, be present.
I’m learning that what I call my ‘productive anxiety’ has always driven my anxiety high. I always feel the need to do. The need to be changing the world. Developing new ideas. Donating more of me. Being more creative. Being better at my job. And that takes a lot out of a person!
Usually what happens is that I get too burnt out to ever make those changes.
So, I suppose, yoga is a way of putting myself first so that I can help others as and when that arises. I have learned the power of slow. The power of here. And the power of now.
Plane Ride Stitches 