When Settling Isn’t Settling

So for as long as I can remember, when it came round to it, I was not looking forward to uni in the SLIGHTEST. As it turns out, it was one of the best things I ever did (as a collective 4 years of my time) and I’m very happy. But for so long I always had this idea that it would be a waste.

I was giving my time and talent away to an institution which would take my money, stress me out and then shove me into the world without a job but 2 feet that I needed to stand on.

I mean that’s a deep and extreme version of what I thought but pretty accurate. I didn’t want to go. And I didn’t want to spend 4 years in England when I’d just spend 2 years of college in the sunshine – a move that I had been dying to make since I was little.

I loved to travel always. But that amplified in Dubai when we were very fortunate with the holidays that we went on and places I saw on my school trips and also hearing where my friends had been. Everyone in my 6th form had the travel bug. Everyone was going somewhere and even if they were only going back to England for their summer holidays, the 7 hour flight made it seem like a major holiday.

Dubai was definitely the place where I stepped up my ambition and decided that I wouldn’t settle for England.

And then I was asked in a recent interview:

So, obviously you love your travel and you’ve been to lots of places, why are you deciding to settle down now?

I guess that caught me a little off-guard. For so long I had been planning to leave England. Staying for 4 years felt to me like an imposed travel ban.

(I was actually super SUPER privileged to get to travel loads during my time at uni. Ironically.)

I was there against my will but I had to surrender a little, thinking that this was best – which actually it was. I decided to take my education especially seriously. It only took 18 years -_-

After my year abroad, I was more determined than ever to take my victimised ass off to some foreign land and start a life for myself.

And yet I’ve found myself a marketing job in London.

Now, this doesn’t sound much like me. The creative side; yes. The staying in England; no. The living in London? Who even am I anymore?

The thing is, though I swore I would never live in a capital city, promised myself under my breath and away from my parents that I would never find a real adult job, I have. And, what’s more, is that I’m excited for it.

I haven’t given up on travel and I have given myself a time limit on my ‘first stint at working life’ and I think it’s that which is making me so excited to move to London.

I think I’ve realised that you do make the most of what you have. I see this as a venture to:

  • Make friends
  • Learn more about the world and myself
  • Develop professional skills
  • Be useful to someone else
  • Find ways to help others
  • Improve my health and fitness
  • Get super creative

This time that I continue to spend in England is not me “settling”.

I know that when I eventually go abroad to live again I will be wiser and more informed and perhaps even more prepared. I know I will not be fleeing but journeying. I will not be running from responsibility but trying out new things. So, really, I’m excited to know what this new meaning of travel is.

I have found myself. I have found endless versions of myself. And I will continue to do so. But I think there is something deeper in the world to find; a something that doesn’t revolve around me.

And Lord knows I need that!!!

So yes I have all that waiting. That is what I’m striving and working towards. But for now I am content with the life I’m creating in London and that’s is strange. Very strange. But, you know what?

It just feels right.

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